Funk Funk Funk

I am in a funk!

I am in a stay at home, watch tv and cruise facebook all day kind of funk.

I am in a workout and eat right funk.

I am in a "I don't like my post baby body" funk.

I am in a mom funk.

I am in a wife funk.

I am in a find joy in the small things funk.

I am in a funk!

*The word funk is starting to look funky*

 

I have been in and out of this funk for about 10 months now, I guess it started around the time I found out I was pregnant with number 4.  I did not want a 4th baby, but there was nothing I could change at that point.  I never had a number in my mind of how many kids I wanted, but I felt overwhelmed and stressed the moment I heard I was going to have 4.  I thought I had it figured out with 3.  Two girls and one boy, that was perfect for me, that was my completed family, or so I thought.  God had other plans for me.  I couldn't (and still don't) understand why I am meant to have 4 kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every ounce of my being, but lately I am finding it hard to find the joy.

 

I don't laugh like I used to.

I don't love on my older girls like I used to.

I don't engage with Brayden like I should.

I send my kids off to play away from me.

I yell, I am easy aggravated, I roll my eyes,

I am an unhappy mom.

 

I feel like a terrible mom and I feel sorry for my kids.  I find myself thinking that I would not want to have me as a mom.

 

There are good days, where I feel amazing, where I love being a mom to 4, where I find joy in the small things that we do together.  Those moments I try to take a picture of, those moments I put on Instagram and post to facebook, those moments are just a small glimpse into my life.  The funk moments, those don't make the posting cut.

 

I feel terrible knowing that their are women who struggle to get pregnant and want kids with every fiber of their being, and I was so disappointed and unhappy with my situation.  I have to realize that this is my journey and that is just how I felt.

 

I have to find a way to snap out of my funk, to find my zest for life again, to find joy in my kids and my husband, to figure out my destiny in life.

 

*This is a honest post with my honest feelings, please no bashing or being rude!*

 

Today Is....

Today Is...

• a very cold, a high of 49, heater not working, day.
• a lazy day.
• a hot chocolate with lunch, soup for dinner day.
• a watch movies under fuzzy blankets day.
• a stay in fleece jammies all day, day.
• a make another batch of buffalo chicken dip day. {The dip is seriously addicting!}
• a have my hubby make a fire when he gets home from work day.

What kind of day are you having?

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts for the day

My hubby is gone for the night to go pick up his mom and daughter.  I hate nights that he is gone, but I am very excited to see a good friend that I haven't seen in YEARS!  Oh my gosh, I am ready for some girl time.

Is it weird to take kids to a liquor store?  I am in need of some vodka!  I feel like drinking for some reason, even though I work bright and early in the morn.  I have some of my low cal lemonade in the fridge that is calling to be drank with some Voli low cal vodka.

I am so over a disorganized house, but I am too lazy to deep clean it.  If I do find motivation to deep clean, then it gets dirty within hours and I feel like I wasted my time.

I have become obsessed with Adam Levine and Maroon 5 music!  I think Adam is one sexy man (especially with all his tattoos) and I am in love with his music.  I really like the song Payphone, but I also am finding out, thanks to Pandora, that I really love Maroon 5's older music as well.  If for some reason you don't know who Adam Levine is, here is a photo :)



Woozers!!



Do you have any celeb crushes or random thoughts?

Thoughts

Tiffani's Thoughts

Here are my random thoughts for the day in no particular order:

• My house really needs to be cleaned
• The dishes need to be done
• The clean clothes need to be hung up
• I need to go to the grocery store
• I really wish people would link their email to their blogger account so I could reply when they leave me a comment!
• I need to eat lunch
• I wish I could get a full night's sleep
• I wish I could be friends with Caroline Manzo in real life
• I need to get on the ball with my life changing activities (working out more and eating better, so far I am off to a slow start)
• Why is changing bad habits so dang hard!!
• Can garage sells start at noon??  I need to have one but we have soccer at 10.
• The Rangers have been kicking some major butt!!
• I need friends to hang out with during the day, I get VERY lonely
• I need to watch last week's Grey's Anatomy so I can watch this week's episode tonight
• We need to catch up on The Voice!
• Adam Levine is so cute to me and I love his new song, Pay phone!
• I really should be working out instead of on the computer
• I need to wash my truck badly!
• We need family photos badly!!!
• I thoroughly enjoy being a soccer mom and I love being team mom!
• I am addicted to the Real Housewives! 

Ok, I could keep going, but I think I will stop for today!

This is my T post for the A to Z challenge!  Please stop in and say hello!!

Thoughts for the Day

• My kids are driving me crazy this morning!  I just want to scream!!
• I am so excited to watch Horrible Bosses with the hubby tonight!  I Redboxed it!
• I just made Redbox a verb, LOL!
• I made doughnuts yesterday using canned biscuits.  Ella, my 5 year old, said they were good but the ones from the store are so much better!  Too funny!!  I love her honesty, but the homemade doughnuts are about 90% cheaper!
• Thanks to Pinterest, I have learned I have more of a romantic style, I just wish my husband shared my same style.
• Maddison brought home her report card, and she got all high A's!!  I am so proud of her and I hope she continues to love school as much as she does now!
• Ella is loving soccer and asks every day if she has practice.
• Brayden is talking up a storm, and learning new words almost everyday. 
• I think I am going to give in to my hubby today and get Brayden a haircut.  His hair is outta control long!!
• I am really disappointed in the Buttered Pecan creamer I bought.  I wanted it to be a pecan praline in my coffee and it wasn't.  Boo to my false hope.
• I really want to eat healthier, but junk food (especially chocolate) has a death grip on me.

That is all my thoughts for the day.  What are your thoughts?