5 on Friday

I am linking up with Darci from The Good Life blog, for 5 on Friday!  I have been reading them for a few months, found a few great blogs to follow, and so now I am ready to take the plunge and link up myself.

ONE My house right now is a crazy unorganized mess, and it stresses me out very much.  But I have yet to do anything about it.  I am letting it be for now, because I know that if I try to start organizing, the craziness will only get worse in the process.  Cartoons for the boy, nap for the baby, and blogging for mommy wins over the mess.

My house isn't this bad, thank goodness

TWO I seriously have gotten bad at sabotaging myself when it comes to eating better.  I eat great all day, then at night I gorge myself on ice cream (like the whole pint of Blue Bell cookies and cream (it was SO good, I just could not stop)) or candy, really anything sweet.  I am not sure how to control my actions.  I will tell myself in the morning that I will do better than the day before and most days I find I do worse.  I have put up notes for myself that I thought would help for visual motivation.  But when I am brushing my teeth at night, I just feel so deflated and depressed with myself that I couldn't overcome my weakness.  (More on this in another blog post).

THREE The kids are counting down the days till Spring Break (only 7 left), because my mom and possibly my oldest brother are coming into town!!  I seriously cannot wait!!  I am hoping we have some great fun and that loads of memories will be made.

FOUR I recently had to upgrade my iphone to the IOS 7 for a new app I wanted to add (Mint personal finance), and I hate it!  That is all.

FIVE Paisley is growing up way too fast!  She is almost 6 months, and I want time to slow down.  She is my last and I have been savoring every moment, but I still feel like I am missing out.  She is eating fruits and veggies, she is sitting, she is rolling, and she is jumping in her bouncer.  Before I know it, she will be walking and talking.  Please some one tell me how to make time stand still!!

 

Our Christmas 2013 Part 1

This post is a "better late than never" kinda post.  I am just now writing about our Christmas.  I am probably the world's worst blogger!  Most bloggers are already writing about Valentine's Day and I am still in 2013.  Oh well.

Our Christmas was amazing, to say the least.  We decided to go to Dallas, which is HUGE for me.  Since we have moved so much the past few years, I had decided for Christmas, we would always stay home.  If the family wanted to see us, they could come to us because:

• I didn't like the idea of the kids not being at home for Christmas Eve.
• I didn't like figuring out how to squeeze in Christmas around Marco's work schedule.
• I didn't like loading up the car with Santa goodies, the kids presents, and the family's presents, plus all the packing for all the kids.
• I didn't like trying to pack the car after Christmas for the drive home.

P.S. I made the rule when I only had the older girls.  Gah, I thought it was work then!  That would be a breeze now.

But my family always understood, and they came to us.  It was much easier when we lived closer, but last year was our first year being 6 hours away in Lubbock.  We had an amazing Christmas just our little family, but that was it.  It was just us.  No one visited Christmas Eve, no one was here Christmas day.

When Marco and I first talked about going to Dallas for Christmas, I was really stressed.  Actually I was really stressed till I was about 1/2 way home (home being Dallas), then I was just excited.  The stress was money, the baby's first long car ride, do I leave a few days before Marco and get more time with friends and family or do we drive in together for just a few days, and packing.  Packing for the big kids and I is easy at this point but I was very worried that I would forget something for the baby. 

But money worked out, I left Friday when the kids got out of school and Marco flew in on Monday night, the baby did amazing on the ride down there when it was just me and the kids, and I made a list for packing (a very long and detailed list).  I made sure I had everything of necessity for Paisley, but of course I could have packed more.  I missed her boppy and baby tub, but they weren't overly necessary.  I nursed with pillows and she bathed (unhappily) in the big tub.

 

I got the girls out of school early and drove in Friday to my dad's loaded down with all the kids, 3 small and 1 large suitcase, Santa's goodies in a very large bag, the presents for the family, the dogs and their kennel. 

I wonder how amazing it would be to be my husband and have ZERO responsibility for 2 1/2 days, no dogs, no kids, no wife.  I wonder if I will ever get that chance?

We made great time, only stopping in Abeline (1/2 way) to stretch our legs, eat, and get Paisley out of her carseat and feed her.  We drove straight to my mom's in Mesquite to drop off the dogs and chat for a few minutes and then we headed to my dad's house in Forney.

 

My dad has recently moved and his new house was perfect for the 3 big kids.  They had plenty of room to watch a movie and run and be wild upstairs and get their "we just sat in the car for 6+ hours" crazies out before bed.

 

The next morning I was supposed to meet a friend from Sherman for lunch and let the kids play while we caught up, but the weather was terrible.  She was having freezing rain and it was pouring at my dads.  We both agreed that it was just too much trouble.  I am still sad that we didn't get the chance to meet up and that she still hasn't met Paisley.  Better safe than sorry.  And hopefully she will be coming to Lubbock soon.

Not getting out Saturday morning, meant the kids and I were able to enjoy a rainy morning (which we don't get in Lubbock) and just watch cartoons and hang out with my step mom.  Once the rain cleared up, we repacked smaller bags, and the kids and I headed to my brother and sister in law's house.  We had an early dinner, watched movies, and the big kids wrestled with my brother while Melissa got in some Paisley snuggles.

Be back tomorrow with Part 2!

Gone are the baby blues

What a difference two weeks has made in my life!

I am feeling like my old self again.

I am feeling more energetic.

I am feeling calmer.

I am feeling more patient.

I am feeling so much happier.

I am loving on my children much more.

They are so much happier.

 

I know in the past few months, maybe more, my children have suffered from my feeling down.  They didn't get as many hugs or cuddles as they wanted.  I pushed them away, especially my older girls.  I was down and I didn't want them around.  I was sad Brayden wasn't going to be my baby anymore instead of being happy that I was going to have a new baby.  I was down on life, and my kids suffered.

 

I know that.

I am not proud of that.

 

Now is my time to change it, now is my time to love being a mom again.

 

We laugh more, we hug more, we cuddle more, we love more.

 

I am not saying pills will work for everyone or that taking something is the way to go for everyone, but taking an anti-depressant has changed my life.  It is helping me so much more than I ever thought I needed.  I can feel it and I know my kids can feel it.  Our house has changed for the better.

 

I only wish I would have spoken up sooner.  I tried not to talk about my feelings, and when I did, what I was feeling, I felt, got pushed aside.

 

For now though, I am happy.  Which feels amazing!

 

 

Slow Down Christmas

It amazes me at how early Christmas has come this year.  It seems no one really cares about Thanksgiving anymore.  The stores are putting out Christmas decorations in August it feels like.  What's the rush? 
Have you seen this photo?  It is so true!

Black Friday ads have become 30+ pages long and stores are opening SO early, 6 am on Thanksgiving for Kmart!  I loved shopping on black Friday; the getting up in the middle of the night, the thrill of hunting for great deals, but 6 am, what's wrong with people?  The bad thing is, there will be people there shopping just to save a few dollars. 

Christmas has just become so commercialized and so overdone, it is seriously stressing me out!  The commercials make you think you have to buy everything for your kids or they won't be happy and you are a bad parent.  Or at least that is how I see it.

We have taken God out of everything in this country and it seems that he is slowly being pushed out of Christmas too.  The whole reason for the season is the birth of Jesus!  I think a lot of people are forgetting that.  I know it has even happened in our house.  Santa has outweighed the true meaning of Christmas, a fact that I am not proud of.  My kids know why we celebrate Christmas, but the "give me's" are crazy out of control.  I hope that I can change that this year, but it will have to wait till after Thanksgiving. 

I am very much looking forward to Thanksgiving this year.  My dad and step mom are having Thanksgiving at their new house this year and we won't be able to leave town with Marco's work schedule, so they are coming here this weekend!  My mom will be coming in for Thanksgiving like she did last year.  Marco has also invited some of his coworkers over Thanksgiving lunch.  It should result in some great times all around!

What are your Thanksgiving plans?
What do you think about Christmas becoming so commercialized?

Funk Funk Funk

I am in a funk!

I am in a stay at home, watch tv and cruise facebook all day kind of funk.

I am in a workout and eat right funk.

I am in a "I don't like my post baby body" funk.

I am in a mom funk.

I am in a wife funk.

I am in a find joy in the small things funk.

I am in a funk!

*The word funk is starting to look funky*

 

I have been in and out of this funk for about 10 months now, I guess it started around the time I found out I was pregnant with number 4.  I did not want a 4th baby, but there was nothing I could change at that point.  I never had a number in my mind of how many kids I wanted, but I felt overwhelmed and stressed the moment I heard I was going to have 4.  I thought I had it figured out with 3.  Two girls and one boy, that was perfect for me, that was my completed family, or so I thought.  God had other plans for me.  I couldn't (and still don't) understand why I am meant to have 4 kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with every ounce of my being, but lately I am finding it hard to find the joy.

 

I don't laugh like I used to.

I don't love on my older girls like I used to.

I don't engage with Brayden like I should.

I send my kids off to play away from me.

I yell, I am easy aggravated, I roll my eyes,

I am an unhappy mom.

 

I feel like a terrible mom and I feel sorry for my kids.  I find myself thinking that I would not want to have me as a mom.

 

There are good days, where I feel amazing, where I love being a mom to 4, where I find joy in the small things that we do together.  Those moments I try to take a picture of, those moments I put on Instagram and post to facebook, those moments are just a small glimpse into my life.  The funk moments, those don't make the posting cut.

 

I feel terrible knowing that their are women who struggle to get pregnant and want kids with every fiber of their being, and I was so disappointed and unhappy with my situation.  I have to realize that this is my journey and that is just how I felt.

 

I have to find a way to snap out of my funk, to find my zest for life again, to find joy in my kids and my husband, to figure out my destiny in life.

 

*This is a honest post with my honest feelings, please no bashing or being rude!*

 

We have BIG news!!

Are you ready for my news?

 

Are you sure?

Are you sitting down?

 

I guess you probably are sitting down if you are reading through blogs.

 

Our big news is:

 

At the end of September, we will become a family of 6!

 

Yep, that's right.  We are expecting baby #4.

 

You are probably as surprised as we were.

 

A baby that must sense I am talking about HER (yes, I said her) because she is kicking me right now.

 

Our family will be adding a new baby girl around September 24th.

 

We are not the greatest with planning these things.

 

Birthdays will now be as follows:

Savannah (step daughter) August 15th

Brayden August 26th

Maddison September 3rd

Baby Due September 24th

Gabriella October 20th

 

It must be all the moving!!  Maddi was born in Dallas, Ella was born in Waco, and Brayden was born in Frisco.  The hubby and I seem to grow "closer" with each move.

 

The girls disagreed on what they wanted me to have.  Maddi wanted a girl and Ella wanted a boy.  When we revealed to them what we were having, Maddi was overjoyed and Ella cried bawled.  It was heart wrenching to see my little girl so disappointed.  She seems to be better, but we haven't really talked about it much.

 

Brayden is going to be a big brother soon, and I am not sure he realizes what he is in for.  Sometimes when you ask him if he wants a baby, he says yes, but most of the time he says no.  He will stay the only boy, and I am sure be as spoiled as ever.  But, I am hoping he will be a great protector of his sisters as they grow up.

 

I will write a post soon on how I am truly feeling about the whole pregnancy, because it will take me a whole post to get my feelings out there.

 

Plus, I promise I will post some ultrasound pics soon!

 

I just wanted to let you in on the secret that I have been keeping for months!

 

Till next time!

 

 



Moving, The Conclusion

If you missed Part 1, check it out here.
If you missed Part 2, check it out here.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. We took a day off to rest from the trip, and then we started the daunting task of packing. I had a lot of things I did not want to take with me, so while I was packing on Tuesday, I decided to have a moving sale as well. Like I didn't have enough to do already.
We rented a UHaul on Wednesday and began to load up. We hired movers to get all the big stuff out of the house for us while we tried to finish packing, and my mom and dad came over helped us finish loading everything! We were packed full!!

Packed and ready to go

The Uhaul was full, Marco's car that was on a trailer was full, and the Expedition was full with the exception of a spot for two car seats and the drivers seat. The dogs rode with me, and Brayden. Ella and Maddi took turns riding in the UHaul with Marco.

The trip was LONG! It took us over 8 hours to get into town. We pulled in close to 1 AM, did I mention the trip was long?

The best thing that we could have done, was set up a hotel room for us to stay the night in. We unloaded stuff that we would need for the night, and crashed out!

The next morning, we drove to the house to begin unloading everything. It went by fairly quickly because we had lots of help. A guy from the Carino's and 2 of Marco's cousins came to help. It was great having all the extra hands and guys to get out all the big stuff. My job, get everything out of both vehicles, and stay out of the way!

I started unpacking and getting together all the paper work to register the girls for school immediately, and tried my hardest to get us settled in as quickly as I could.

Now that we are settled in, unpacked, and in a school routine, I can say that I love it here. I love the neighborhood, I love being so close to people we know, I love the school and the girls teachers, but most of all the kids LOVE it!! The have adjusted well, and I am so happy because they are so happy. Maddi said she wants to go to 3rd, 4th and 5th grade here. I hope for her sake, we will stay here for more than 1 or 2 years.

Don't get me wrong, I miss where we used to live. I miss being minutes from my family and friends. I miss work. I miss the girls being able to go to my mom's if I am having a hard day with them. I miss having dinner on the weekends at my dads. I miss it! But was this the best move for my family? I would like to think so. I prayed so very hard for God to put us where we needed to be. For him to point us in the direction that would be best for our family. I am 100% positive, at least for now, that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Plus, there is skype, facebook, texting, phone calls, and even emails that can keep us connected.

Besides the stress of moving and trying to get settled, I am very happy! The kids are very happy! Marco is very happy! We as a family are happy! We have started a new life here in Lubbock, and I am excited to see where we go from here.

Moving Story Part 1

I know it has been several weeks, but I wanted to make good on my word that I would write about moving to Lubbock.  It was a crazy quick move that took less than 1 week from start to finish.

It was a normal Wednesday morning and I was on Pinterest, as usual when I got a phone call from my hubby.  He said he had been asked to move to Texarkana, and wanted me to research the area and see what I thought.  I wasn't sure about moving, but I was open to the idea so I started researching.  I wasn't impressed.  The city itself, may be nice, but it is not represented well on the internet.  I searched schools, rent houses, things to do, etc for a few hours when I got another phone call saying never mind about Texarkana, Marco was really needed in Lubbock.  I was sort of relieved, since I couldn't find anything in Texarkana that would make me want to uproot my family and move there.

I was told that I only had that night to look up information on Lubbock, since Marco needed to tell them ASAP.  He came home and we talked about it.  Lubbock was 6 hours (at least) away from where we were, and I really felt like I needed more time to think it over, but I didn't have it.  Marco and I weighed the pros and cons, talked to the girls, and ultimately made the decision to move to Lubbock site unseen.  VERY SCARY!!  
*I think if I had more time to think about it, we probably wouldn't have moved.*

Marco went to work the next day, and called early morning again, and told me we were set up for a house hunting trip that day and we needed a sitter.  I told him, the only way we were going to move is if the girls had a say in the house we were going to pick.  I wanted them to see and experience the town with us first hand, and be involved in the ultimate decision making.  So instead of me and him taking a 50 minute flight, we took a 6+ hour drive with all the kids.  

I was scheduled that Thursday to close at Carmax, and I ended up having to go in and quit.  Very hard to do, I really loved working there!  Then we loaded up the car, and headed out.

The drive was long, I am not going to lie!  I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind.  Was this the right move for my family, would we be happy, would the girls adjust to yet another move, another town, another house, different friends, being away from family/friends that are just right up the road?  I was really worried for the girls.
*FYI- Marco and I have moved 8 (I think, maybe more) times since we were married and Maddi was 9 months.  We are sort of like nomads, with no real place to call home.  Most of the times were for Carinos, then the others were from one place to another in a city that we moved too.

Snack on the drive in

We drove in, stayed at a hotel, swam, ate out and really treated the first night as a vacation day.  It was really nice, since we didn't go anywhere for the whole summer, or for a few summers for that matter.  We realized that Brayden had never been to a hotel, needless to say, he went crazy!
  

Climbing on the beds.
You can't tell from the picture, but he really went crazy!

The hotel cart that carried the kids more than baggage :)

Friday, we got up bright and early and headed out to house hunt.  We stopped by a realtor and got a list of houses in our price range and addresses, but since the guy that helped us was busy, we were only able to drive by and look at the outside of the house and get a feel for the neighborhoods till he could meet us later in the day.

*I will end it there for today, and write more tomorrow, be on the lookout!*

One More, One Less

One less hour on the computer.
One less hour in front of the tv.

One less time of saying "No".

One less time of being impatient.

One less annoyed sigh.

One less snappy remark.

One hug more.

One more I love you.

One more kiss.

One more smile.

One more silly moment.

One more chance to help.

One more try to be patient.

One more dance to music.

One more hour outside.

One more movie.

One more cuddle.

One more colorful picture.

One more nice word.

One more tickle.

One more gentle touch.

One more time of saying "You can do that".

One more time of truly tuning in to what you have to say.

One more cookie.

One day at a time!



I have had a hard time connecting to my kids lately.  I have been very aggravated, snappy, and very impatient.  I know my kids are just kids, and need to have a loving and caring mom.  I have created this list to remind myself to stop, listen and enjoy my kids.  Don't hold onto what happened the day before, and truly be present with your child in the moment.  I will admit that we had a horrible morning yesterday, and I let those moments of chaos get the best of me.  I was ugly to my kids and I let it ruin my day.  I need to remember to let them help me, let them make a mess, let them be loud, let them make me laugh, let them be their silly selves!  I need a constant reminder to take one day at a time!!

How do you handle moments of chaos with your kiddos?  I need some helpful suggestions!

This is my O post for the A to Z challenge!  I would love your feedback and I truly appreciate comments!!

AAAAAHHHHH! It's April!!!

I cannot believe I missed the first day of April!  I have been so busy lately, running around like a mad woman that I have totally neglected my blog, and I sincerely apologize!! 

Yesterday, being April Fools Day, was a crazy day.  We had to strip down the girls' room because Maddi had lice!  That is the worst April Fools Day joke that could be played on us!!  I spent my night washing everything from her's and Ella's beds and treating and combing out her hair!  As a mommy to a little girl, this creates lots of stress about getting the whole house clean and horrible feelings about your house not being clean enough.  At least that is how I felt.  I almost felt like it was my fault that she had lice.  It is a frustrating little bug and I hate that she has had to go through this.  But I think it is just a part of life as a little girl and as a mommy to one. 

My April 1st ended on a bad note, how was yours??

This is the first post of many for the A to Z challenge!!  If you are here because of the challenge, please say hi so I can check out your blog as well!!!

Much love to my readers, and thank you for sticking around!!  I really love you all for reading what I have to say :)

I am back...finally!

HALLELUJAH!!!!  We have internet again!  Thank you so much for hanging in with me, and please bear with me as I try to get back into a normal blogging routine!

We are finally completely moved, but not even close to being unpacked.  It was a rough move, the worst move actually, but we are slowly settling in. 

We had no help packing (normally my mom comes and helps and she just couldn't this time) and no help loading, and very little help unloading the first day (thank God for my dad and one of our oldest friends).  And yes I did say first day.  It took multiple trips (3 to be exact!!) to get everything packed up and loaded and moved to the new house!  We have a crazy amount of stuff!!! 

Since we were majorly downsizing, it was a great time to go through our stuff and figure out what was no longer needed.  Since we had a full truck and no time to donate our unwanted items, a good deal of stuff was left on the curb.  I really hope some of our neighbors scoured through our pile and found some things to take home, because I will feel really horrible if what we left on the curb was completely contributed to the landfill.  We also left a load of 3 boxes we were going to put into a garage sell, but we had no room in the truck for that either, so it was just left in the house.

To make things even worse, there was still work that had to be done in my mom's house, so we moved into a house that wasn't even fully functional.  The worst part had to be not being able to shower.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good bath, but I don't enjoy getting myself clean in only a bath!!  Thankfully, my dad lives close and had us over for dinner and showers one night while we waited on our showers to be fixed!!

This has been quite a stressful adventure that I do not want to ever go through again! 

We are starting to settle in and unpack boxes slowly, which I cannot stand but it has been out of my control.  I am a person that likes to be completely unpacked and pictures and stuff on the walls within a few days of moving, and this has been completely opposite.

But the great news is, we have internet again, and I can get back to blogging more :)

STRESSED

I have to say that stress is starting to weigh me down!  I desperately need a job, I started back to college with online classes, and the holidays are quickly approaching.

I really need a job since I quit working at Carinos.  An overnight parttime job would be perfect so I wouldn't have to send my kids to daycare and have an extra expense.  A weekend job would be great if it is close to my best friend that said she would watch my kids for me on the weekends.  I just know that the weight of me not having a job is starting to add up, and I just wish I could find something.  I have done so many online applications, and I have not gotten any responses!!!  Which makes me even more upset, because it seems that I am not qualified for any work.  I just need something to help me contribute to my family's expenses.

I started back to college this semester with Strayer University.  They are an amazing college specifically designed for adults working or not to try to further their careers by going to college.  They only have evening classes and online classes, and their semesters are broken up into 4 mini semesters as opposed to two big semesters.  I have just started my first week, and I am already overwhelmed.  It has been 9+ years since I have been to college and I am worried that I will not know how to find the time to study and do all of the online work that is required.  **Yes I know I could be studying right now instead of blogging, but I need this time to vent so please don't judge, plus I watched a lecture and posted to discussion questions already today**

The holidays stress me out the most.  It is one after another and each one costs more than the previous!  Starting with Halloween and the cost of costumes and decorations, then the cost of food at Thanksgiving, and then the cost of gifts at Christmas.  I am trying to save where I can, and figure out ways to earn extra money (see #1 of my stresses), so hopefully we can be prepared for the fall/winter holidays.

Thank you for letting me vent!!